I know you. All layers of your being, I watch you float through life almost as if you are in a constant daze, I observe you as you remain stagnant and give up control of yourself without so much as a struggle. You are unfamiliar with these aspects of your subconscious mind but I know them like the back of my hand. I’ve become so familiar with them over the years that I can almost predict down to the second when you go back into your “safe” space, that little corner of your heart and of your mind where you hide from yourself; hide from your deepest fears, from your strongest emotions, your heartache and your pain, from your traumatic experiences and that sinking feeling in your gut that has become all too familiar to you in one lifetime.
You hide because you are afraid of others picking up on these little truths. You hide because you are afraid of coming face to face with yourself and how all of this has shaped you. You hide because you are afraid of your own reflection, but what you don’t realize is that I know you. I see all of you, as though I am standing right next to your reflection, standing in all of your likeness, made up of so many similar pieces as you, I AM you. We are one in the same, except different in two very important ways – I am not afraid of my darkness, while you hide from yours. And that scares you, it terrifies you. It questions everything you’ve told yourself to be true. It threatens the very basis of your being, the complacency you have with life and the dependency you have on your camouflage.
You are afraid to feel anything. Because any time you did, it crushed you, it suffocated you. So now, you put yourself in situations where you don’t have to. You don’t let yourself feel, you don’t even let yourself THINK about how you don’t let yourself feel. But what you may not realize is, is that those are the moments in life that create us. We are all made up of our own unique darkness, our own stories. Without them, we are nothing. And without them, well, we couldn’t create our own light. So there you are, swaying on the edge of two extremes. You don’t realize that by hiding from your darkness you are hiding from your light, and you never experience anything. No joy, no wonder, no love and no strength. You are just there, lost in the gray, barely existing. It’s almost amusing to witness because it’s just all so damn predictable.
I know you. I know you better than you know you. I see you so clearly and frankly it scares the shit out of you. But, something else I know, is that you are so much greater, so much BETTER, than this limbo you allow yourself to exist in. I know your strength and I know that one day, you will know it and embrace it, too.